The most difficult part is trying to convince myself that I don't care.
That I have done my best and that I deserve to let go and that I just don't care what she does anymore.
That I don't care whether she tells me the truth or not.
That I will be okay as long as I can just bury myself in my research.
That this anguish does not infect my every thought.
I can't focus.
For weeks now.
Even the best distractions are unusually short-lived.
I can't do my work.
I can't read.
I can't pay attention to my video games.
God damn it, I don't even want to cook anymore.
I can't get it out of my head.
Every time I see her.
Every time I hear her voice.
Every time she touches me.
The thought of her with him.
Of all of the ways that they have shared each other.
It tears away at me like shards of fiberglass suspended in my bloodstream.