Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Rule 1: Make a contribution to science, no matter the cost to personal comfort.

Rule 2: Never consciously contribute to the development of weaponry.

Monday, April 22, 2013

"I know that it probably doesn't show, but I have crippling ADHD."

"That...does surprise me. You always seem so calm and collected."

"It's interesting, really. My other...complications tend to keep it from surfacing as it does in most people."

"It must be difficult. Especially considering the sort of thing that you study."

"It is. It's...exhausting."

"So why do you fight it? Why not find something that is easier for you? Something that doesn't demand so much of your energy."

"Because this is the path that I have chosen for myself. This is what has my attention. This is what drives me forward."

"It's just...you...you always seem so miserable. There is a discomfort in your speech. Your calculated mannerisms disguise it well, but it is still there."

"You are among the first to notice. Or at least among the first to say so."

"If this cripples you so, why keep fighting? You could be so much more comfortable, if you tried."

"Indeed. Don't think that I haven't considered it. Earning my undergraduate degree was the most difficult thing that I have ever done, and it is only going to get harder from here."

"So why struggle? Why sacrifice so much for this? You aren't answering my question."

"You're right, I apologize. Let me ask you something."

"Yes?"

"Have you ever tried to tell a crippled man that he can't walk?"

Saturday, April 20, 2013

This is the point in the evening when I become very upset.

Five drinks in.

Five drinks in, it has become manifest.

She is still gone.

And she always will be.

She is...

She is nothing more than a memory now.

A set of memories.

A facet of my past.

Most likely remembered incorrectly.

Selectively.

Like most everything else.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

I am not who I am, but what I have done.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

"Here the basic reversal is most deadly. The issue has been perverted and man has been left with no alternative—and no freedom. As poles of good and evil, he was offered two conceptions: egotism and altruism. Egotism was held to mean the sacrifice of others to self. Altruism—the sacrifice of self to others. This tied man irrevocably to other men and left him nothing but a choice of pain: his own pain borne for the sake of others or pain inflicted upon others for the sake of self. When it was added that man must find joy in self-immolation, the trap was closed. Man was forced to accept masochism as his ideal—under the threat that sadism was his only alternative. This was the greatest fraud ever perpetrated on mankind. This was the device by which dependence and suffering were perpetuated as fundamentals of life."

- Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

Thursday, April 11, 2013

As of this morning, I am officially attending Johns Hopkins University this fall.

...

Johns Hopkins...

It still doesn't feel real.

Monday, April 8, 2013

I still miss Christopher Hitchens.

And Nujabes.

I miss Nujabes.

My actions all suddenly seem so important, and I'm not entirely sure how to handle it.

I still miss Nujabes.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

I need a place to work.

Some place quiet, where I am uncomfortable.