Wednesday, February 1, 2012

For the second time, I have been given everything that I have ever been looking for, only to have it taken away from me just as I had begun to convince myself that it was real.

For the second time, I was made to feel attractive; as though there was actually someone out there who might enjoy the prospect of having feelings for somebody such as myself.

For the second time, I felt that maybe, just maybe, I was not actually losing my mind.

She was there, in all of her passion and warmth and understanding.

She was there, just her and I.

And then she was gone; a victim of mutually poor circumstance.

I knew that we were doomed from the start.

I knew that things would not end favorably.

I knew that I had once again allowed myself to find whatever semblance of happiness that my mind actually allows me to feel in yet another impossible situation.

And I knew that it would hurt more than I could possibly imagine.


But I wanted it to hurt.

Because I knew that that was the only way that I would ever get to have you at all.

I loved you.

And I should have said it.

But it means as little now as it did then.


  1. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. You're one of those writers that makes me feel what they're feeling. You're a really amazing writer, and I'm following your blog now. *hugs*

  2. Well thank you very much. That's very kind.

  3. Hayden, I don't know you. I couldn't possibly.

    Still, I am confident when I say that you do not need to made to feel attractive. I know, in saying that, I am being hypocritical. However, there is no shame in providing advice despite being unable to follow it yourself. That doesn't make the advice any less suitable for others. I hardly have recognition for the appearance of men from day-to-day. Therefore, when I say that I find you attractive, it is a bit out of line for me. I usually judge only females, seeing as I am usually only attracted to the same sex.

    I don't... Want you to believe that no one is able to enjoy the prospect of having feelings for you. I am sure that you mean feelings of which I am not regarding; however, people do have feelings for you. They may not be intimate feelings or what you're referring to here, but they are still positive feelings. I am sure what she provided, I could never. What you thought she felt is probably something I could never feel towards you. In which case, if I did, I would have no way to express it.

    Please, be reassured. Remember that we are only human. Realize that there is no end until death. Know that nothing is ever doomed from the start, because everything starts for a reason. As for me, I will be here. -She smiles tenderly, gently placing her hand to his chest.- Please, don't believe that good things can only come through accepting pain.