Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Sometimes when I lack the concentration to do the things that I need to do, I think about all of the things that I have given up in the interest of my work until my personal desires fade into irrelevance.

The memory of the things that I have lost provides my mind with the sadness necessary to overcome the discord of my broken attention span.

It is uncomfortable; having to meditate on the harmful until my thoughts are so powerful that they literally dull my awareness of the world around me.

Until they physically cause my ears to ring.

But the work simply has to get done.

This is something that people often do not understand: for everything that the depression takes away from me, it leaves something horrid and twisted, but ultimately more meaningful in its place.

2 comments:

  1. I can understand what it means to channel your negatives to turn them into a positive. On those times when I go to the gym (not so much recently) I have sometimes pushed further by using some of my buried anger and resentments as motivation.

    Just make sure that, once the work is done, you push back thoughts of tasks and focus more on your personal desires. Reward yourself for a job well done.

    ~SP

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  2. I understand this completely. When I suffered with depression, I was at my most productive and even now when I find myself temporarily sinking back that way, my productivity increases. I find work is the one constant which will always take your mind off whatever it is that is pulling you down.

    Just make sure that you set aside time for the happy thoughts too. They need an outing, if not more time, than the negative thoughts. Don't be scared of letting them loose and seeing what happens :)

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