Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I whispered.

"Tell me what you want."

She smiled.

"I want you to make love to me."

Monday, November 28, 2011

Two of my friends and I had to redo some data for an automobile drag coefficient lab experiment that we performed earlier this semester. Gotta love gross, wet hair danglin' all up in your face while you are trying to drive.

Naturally, we stopped to dance in between trials.
My plan for the next week. I'm a little bit behind on today's schedule. I was too busy spelling lobotomy wrong.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Bad things happen to good people because bad things happen to everybody.

The universe really just isn't concerned with our morality.
I was recently asked to define intelligence.

For me, this is a topic that has been broached many times.

I have been asked to do this before.

But even after continuous revisitation, it is still a difficult issue to contain in one general definition.

People are so different.

So far, the best I can do is this:

Intelligence is the propensity to doubt. 

Intelligence lies not in the number of answers accumulated during one's lifetime, but rather in one's ability to ask the right questions.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Wintergreen makes me so happy.

Mint is one of the things that make this life worth the struggle.

Mint and Tootsie Pops and beer.

Driving and music and science.

Hugging and conversation and chess.

Laughter and sadness and love.

Cooking and physics and beverages.

Experience and philosophy and perspective.

But mint...

Mint, most of all.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

"That'll be $1.61, sugar."

I extended the two bills in my hand over to the cashier.

She moved to the register and began to expertly enter commands into the device before suddenly saying, "You have really pretty hair."

"Thank you," I replied, sincerely flattered.

"Makes me sad," she said.

I looked at her, quizzically.

"I'm just joking," she stated.

Another cashier behind the counter was grinning widely, clearly amused by the events of our interchange.

"But seriously, I'm jealous," the first cashier continued.

"Your hair is prettier than any woman's. Makes me sad that my hair doesn't look like yours."

She smiled at me.

Her face was so warm; her eyes so kind that I had no choice but to smile back.

"Well, thank you," I said again, retrieving my soft drink from the counter as she dropped my change into my other hand."

"Anytime, sweetheart. Have a wonderful day."

"You too."

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Sunday, November 13, 2011

"Just let it go."

"It wasn't right."

"You don't have time to worry about this right now."

"There will be others. You're still young."

"Don't let it get to you too much."

"I'm sorry. That sucks."

"Just stay busy. Keep your mind off of it."

"Keep your chin up. You'll be all right."

"You need to move on."

"You're better than this. Get up."

"This happens to everybody. Get over it."

"I told you to be careful."

"Just try to forget."


Stop it.

Stop it.

I want to forget.

I have tried to forget.

But how am I supposed to forget when I can not think clearly long enough to even figure out where to begin?

I have tried to forget.

But the alcohol only does so much.

I have tried to forget.

But the thoughts are so resilient; reverberating through my head with the rest of this relentless noise.

I can not forget.

And it makes me want to take a power drill to the side of my mind.

Friday, November 11, 2011

"Hayden, you have so much going for you. I mean, have you looked in the mirror lately?"

Yes, I have.

And every time, I see somebody else staring back.

Monday, November 7, 2011

I had never used a shearing machine until yesterday. I don't think that I've ever discussed our senior mechanical design project on this blog before, but we are working with a ten year old boy who was born without arms. We've been tasked with designing assistive devices to help him change his clothing on his own, and we are currently working under the advisement of an organization called Enabletech that specializes in designing devices for the physically handicapped. This is our second semester working on the project, and we have finally reached the fabrication phase. Yesterday was our first day of machining, and we spent the entire day in the company's machine shop working on our prototypes. I may talk about our designs more in-depth once they can be considered "finished products," but for now, here are some pictures:

Steven and Chris bending a steel bar into a hook.

More bending.

"This machine shop is pretty obscure. You've probably never heard of it."

Caught mid-sentence.

Clearly hard at work.

Cutting down an aluminum bar with the band saw.

Sanding down pieces of filler rod with a drill press.

One of our semi-finished prototypes. The individual bars sticking off still need to be bent into hooks after the bonding epoxy sets.

There was an exposure problem.

There were a lot of problems.

Evidence of a hard day's work.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Adolf's Barbeque

Just another short study session snippet turned into a podcast. Of all the things that I have recorded over the past year, I think that this conversation is one of my favorites. Enjoy.

Adolf's Barbeque.mp3
(Right click and "save target as" to download to hard disk)

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Last night, I dreamt for an entire year.

I was only asleep for a few hours.

But in those few hours, I experienced an entire year of my potential future.

I remember every detail just as I would remember the details of one year of my actual life.

The dream began simply enough.

I had just started my first year of graduate school, doing research in materials science.

Not exactly what I wanted; but in the dream, I was happy with it.

I made friends.

I carefully built relationships.

I earned trust, and I trusted.

I fell in love.

And we were very happy together.

An old friend with whom I had lost touch died in a car accident.

I ate delicious new foods; drank fascinating new beverages.

I listened to beautiful new music.

Nothing was out of the ordinary.

Everything was as it should have been.

Everything was so real.

It was not until the end of the dream that things began to fall apart.

Until reality began to crumble.

For a time, not long before I awoke, I saw in watercolor.

The elaborate false reality that my mind had constructed slowly began to collapse in on itself, gradually making less and less sense; gradually growing more and more dangerous until I eventually awoke.

It took me almost twenty minutes to fully realize where I was.

To realize that I was no longer dreaming.

To realize that, for a time - however false - my life had been bearable.

To realize that I had once again passed out face down on my living room carpet without finishing the assignment that was due that morning.

To realize that this will not matter to the rest of the world.

That I will be expected to return to my normal life and function as usual.

I woke up this morning one year older that I was last night.

How can I just pretend like everything is the same?

How can I just pretend like nothing has happened?

How can I adequately convey this...this disorientation?

Perhaps I will write about it one day.

One day, perhaps.

For now, I am still trying to remember who I was.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Classified Ads

I made a short podcast out of a recording that I took of a friend of mine and I reading some local classified ads on Craigslist. We like to do this on occasion to blow off steam during study breaks.

This was an unusually interesting selection of classifieds.

As a warning, this is largely not safe for work. Enjoy.

Classified Ads 1.mp3
(Right click and "save target as" to download file to hard disk)