Monday, October 3, 2011

3:20 AM.

The music pours into my ears.

Each note races across my synapses like a discharge of pure electricity behind my eyes.

My heart pounds, each fervent beat sending my amphetamine-fueled blood coursing through my veins.

Ten days.

I lasted ten days.

Ten days withstanding its absence.

Ten days of desire.

Ten days of wasted effort trying to direct my thoughts to other matters.

Ten days of ignoring that translucent plastic bottle.

Ten days of unfocused apathy.

Ten days of clouded thought.

Ten days of chaos.

Ten days of futility.

Ten days.

For ten days, I watched myself give up.

And tonight, I took the pill.


  1. I think 10 days is quite a significant accomplishment. I don't know what you're taking, and I'm no doctor, but if dropping these pills is in your future you'll have to get there by baby steps. Maybe 10 days here...the next time it could be 2 weeks, or even a month...and eventually you could get rid of them for good.

    Again, I'm no doctor so please don't accept this as medical advice. Just saying that if it becomes in your best interest to kick them for good I think you could do it, Hayden. It just takes some time.

    Strength, my friend.


  2. Thank you, Shane. Ten days is an accomplishment.

    I have been on amphetamines for ADHD for the past year. I took medication for the same thing all through elementary and middle school, but I had been off of them for a long time before I started taking them again last year.

    I guess I know that ten days is a good step. It's just so disheartening to make it so far and then have to start all over because of one moment of "weakness."

    But I don't have many pills left. Maybe that will sort of "force my hand" in one way or another.

    I suppose that we shall see.

  3. And in the meantime your friends are behind you. Hopefully that knowledge helps.