Monday, February 21, 2011

I need somebody to hold me.

Somebody to hold me and run her fingers through my hair and tell me that this will be worth it.

That I will believe in people long enough to make a difference.

You don't have to love me.

I just need to be touched.


  1. I must admit that your writing sometimes causes me to pause. I am not sure if you act on what you write or are looking to dialogue. I sincerely hope that you realize that you are worthy of more than a touch from someone who does not love or care about you. Don't settle for that. There are still people that you can believe in. Sometimes they are not in our life at the moment. I want to encourage you to not give up looking for people to surround yourself with who will genuinely care and love you.

  2. Awwww...I would hold you...blush

  3. Okay Hayden, The first comment was from the creepy old lady- not the second comment. Just wanted to clarify for you. Guess I need to quit posting anonymously :)

  4. I know it's difficult to believe, but the more you believe you deserve to be with someone, the more likely others will believe it, too.
    My advice, be the person you want to be, with the life you want to have and you'll find someone who wants the same things. Don't be what you aren't or don't want. You won't need anyone to make you believe it's worth it.

  5. Thank you. It's good to hear from all of you. I am always open to dialouge about my posts, so never feel hesitant to contribute when you feel compelled to do so.

    I know that I have people who love me. It would be selfish and arrogant to pretend like I don't. My main problem right now is that I have these desires to be with "someone special," but I don't have the lifestyle required to be a good relationship partner. I am too busy and too dedicated to my work. I can't imagine finding someone who would be okay with at best sharing priority with my mathematical endeavours. Typically significant others are supposed to be top priority, and I can't offer that, not even on a mental level. Scheduling comprimises is one thing, but when one person in the relationship can't even keep his mind off of his science long enough to adequately express his affection to the other, problems tend to arise. I speak from experience.

    I'm not emotionally stable enough. A friend of mine blatantly brought that to my attention recently, and I owe her for it. She's right: I'm not. I recognize that. I wouldn't expect anyone to want to be with someone who is constantly in a state of mental disarray. It's not attractive, and I understand that. If there is someone out there who is willing to put up with it, that's fine. I'm open to that possibility. But I generally don't expect people to find me attractive in that way.

    I know that that may seem self-defeating to others and I have been told multiple times that I just need to believe that I am attractive and the rest will take care of itself, but I feel that that is unrealistic. Sometimes there are situational factors that are not totally in our control, and right now that factor is my education.

    It is the most important thing to me right now. But just because it is most important does not mean that it is easy to give up other desires in the name of its pursuit.

  6. First of all, I would like to apologize for not commenting on any of your stuff recently. You already know that I am a huge fan of you and your writing. I envy you and your passion for your schoolwork.

    I think you are perfectly capable of finding your "special someone." You just need to find someone who understands that they aren't going to be top priority for awhile because of your schooling. If they can't understand that, then they aren't worth it. I think relationships would be better off if they started that way anyway. If you constantly together then you become very clingy. You don't have to go into a relationship and it suddenly has to be a "serious" relationship. If you can find someone who can agree to not being top priority for awhile, then I think in the end you will have a very healthy and well-balanced relationship. You are very attractive, Hayden, and you also have the personality that makes you even more attractive. Don't put yourself down so much. I've been honored to have the priveledge of knowing you as my friend. Keep your head up, hun. You'll find someone who will like you for EVERYTHING that you are. Maybe you're looking in all of the wrong places. You know I'm here if you ever need anything.