Thursday, January 20, 2011

Paradigm Shift

I am not a scientist.

It's a bold statement coming from someone who has spent four years studying the applied sciences, I know.

But I am not a scientist.

I am fascinated by the world around me.

I absolutely love learning about our universe, and there is nothing in existence that is a more pure inspiration.

Several times per day, my chest shudders under the weight of scientific realizations and amazement and I find myself having to stop and remember how to breathe.

I love science.

Our existence is so inherently beautiful.

But I am not a scientist.

I have come to the realization over the past several weeks that the only thing at which I have ever been proficient is aiding others.

I love helping people; whatever form their needs may take.

I want to help people.

I want to live for others.

I already do this in a lot of respects; most of us do.

But I want this to mean something.

I want my rampant urge to improve the quality of the lives around me to manifest and take shape.

I want to do everything that I can to make others happy.

I recognized some time ago that my happiness is not important to me.

It is not a focus in my life.

But what could be more meaningful than bringing it into the lives of others?

I should have been a writer.

Or a film director.

Or a musician.

Or a civil servant.

Or a bartender.

Or a public speaker.

God damn, even philosophy would have been a better fit.

A much, much better one.

But those are not the lives that I have determined for myself.

Regardless of personal preference, I am an engineer.

There is no benefit in regretting the path that my life has taken.

I must allow myself to be human.

I must allow myself to adapt.

Since the outgrowing of my religious conditioning, my inevitable mortality has become a much stronger productive imperative.

Never before has it been so clear to me that with each and every fraction of time that moves into the past, I move ever closer to the eventual physical limitations of this body.

I am rapidly running out of time.

I must only focus on what little I have left.

So I will make something of this.

I do not enjoy engineering as I once did, but it is what I have.

There is no time to start over.

I will go on to get my degrees and I will become a professor and I will teach.

The ultimate goal of engineering is to create processes and things that, in some form or another, make our lives easier. By making the monotonous tasks of our daily existence more efficient, we focus less on the unnecessary and turn our collective mind towards progress and the future of our kind.

I will teach engineers.

I will teach them how to improve society.

I will quietly help give them the knowledge, tools, resources, and understanding that they need to make others happy.

I am not a scientist.

But I can make science my implement.

I will use it to play my part in affecting change in this world.

I have made this my purpose.

I will sacrifice the aspects of my life that would impede me in these goals.

I will cultivate my outward appearance to better reflect this shift in perspective.

I will strain my body to its limits.

I will do what it takes.

I will give my life up to progress.

I will act as its tool.

I will help.

3 comments:

  1. You have a way with words and I think you could be a writer.
    You are running out of time? You are 21.

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  2. We are all running out of time. On a universal timescale, the life of an individual human being is nothing. In the scope of my finite human existence, yes, I have "my whole life ahead of me." But on a larger scale, I have very little time to accomplish anything.

    The only hope for the continued existence of our species is to be prepared to leave Earth when the time comes to do so. It will come: not anywhere near our lifetimes, but it will come. And the only way for us to be prepared in time is to evolve intellectually enough to stop killing each other and work together on a solution.

    I will never see this reality. The timescale of legitimate social reform is also outside of the scope of most human lives. But I want to know that I spent what little time I have contributing to this reform in some way.

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