Saturday, October 23, 2010

I went to a house party last night.

It was pretty crazy.

I didn't wake up until 1:20 PM today, which felt absolutely disgusting, but I had been awake for over 48 hours before falling asleep at 4 AM last night, so I guess it makes sense.

At this party, I had an interesting experience.

Just for reference purposes, I have a lot of gay friends, and I was one of the few straight people at this party.

So I was sitting on the couch with some people, when this girl who I had met earlier in the evening but not said a word to since came up to me, halfway sat down on the couch next to me (she was sitting on her knee facing me), and asked, "Are you straight."

"Yes," I replied, almost a little bluntly.

She hesitated for the smallest of a fraction of a second, and proceeded to ask, "Okay. How big is your dick?"

I was, one could say, a little surprised at the forwardness of the question. At a loss for words, I did not answer right away.

It's not so much that I did not want to tell her. I am not ashamed of the biology that I have been assigned, and she was clearly drunk enough to posit, with absolute sincerity, such personal discussions to a person whom she had never met before in her life. But there are some facets of my life that I just prefer to keep private.

After a short time, I answered with, "Who needs to know?"

"______ is over there in the back room, and she wanted to ask you but didn't want to do it herself. Would you like to meet her?"

I was pretty sure that we were on the same wavelength concerning the meaning of the term "meet" in this discussion.

I took another minute, during which she asked me again if I'd like to "meet" her, and I eventually just decided to be honest and said, "Well...I'm not about to have sex tonight, if that is what 'meet' means right now."

She just looked at me for a second, and then just nodded her head and said, "Oh...okay. Well..."

And then we just kinda sat there in awkwardness for a minute, after which I just resumed conversation with the friends I had been talking to. Then she simply got up and walked away.

I think that it's fair to say that that was one of the most surreal interchanges of my recent history.


  1. Solid proof that guys aren't the only ones who can be douche bag-ish....

  2. Kudos to you for not jumping at the chance at an easy happy ending. We need more guys like you around.