Saturday, October 30, 2010

I started a new medication for my ADHD two days ago.

I haven't been on medication for almost eight years now.

So far, it's been an incredible decision. I have been getting my work done. I have been able to focus.

I had a moment two days ago while doing some design homework. It occured to me that I had not updated my twitter recently. I started to reach for my phone to do so, but did not, and got right back to work, pushing the distraction from my mind.

I know that that may seem like such a stupid thing to many people, but to me, it was a powerful enough relief to move me to tears in the middle of the school's dining hall.

The idea of just sitting down and getting something done is a very new concept to me.

My assignments no longer seem like such a death sentence anymore.

For seven years, I have lived without focus.

For seven years, I have left projects unfinished.

For seven years, I have not been able to concentrate on one thing at a time.

For seven years, I have looked at the students around me and wondered why it seems so much more manageable to them.

For seven years, I have put up with this unique, terrible hell in which I have simply been wandering, floundering, and just generally dicking around against my will.

But maybe now...

Maybe now, if everything holds out okay, I can live up to the potential that I often feel within myself.

There are definitely some side effects that I need to keep monitoring for these first few weeks.

But so far my only regret is having waited so long to talk to somebody about this.

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