Tuesday, August 31, 2010

"The music washed away all their hate, and society started advancing."

I know that this is just a joke from a goofy song (an excellent goofy song), but I wish that people would allow this to happen.

We need to get over musical elitism.

Monday, August 30, 2010

A jumping spider just landed on my leg and I panicked and smashed it with my clipboard.

I could have easily trapped it and put it back outside.

Now I feel like a horrible person.

Why does the taking of even the smallest, most seemingly insignificant life bother me so?

Why do I empathize with bugs?

Sunday, August 29, 2010

One thing that human beings learn about life very early on is the simple yet critical notion of, "if it hurts, don't do it again."

It's one of the most instinctual, concrete thing that sense memory can teach us.

So why is it that when I apply that to relationships, I am deemed "bitter" by everyone else?

Why is it wrong for me to use my common sense?

Friday, August 27, 2010

These sunglasses...

Let me tell you something about these sunglasses.

These sunglasses have been through a lot. Lost, bent, re-bent, scratched, thrown, sat upon, stepped upon...everything.

And yet here they are, still with me. 

Today marks the third time that I have lost these sunglasses and had them returned to me by a third party. I lost them on my way to class exactly a week ago, today. It was pretty frustrating to lose them because I was involved in a tennis accident in high school (torn iris) and was left with a slightly slowed ocular reaction speed and thus sensitivity to sudden changes in light intensity in my right eye. Sunglasses help a good bit, and I almost always wear them outside while the sun is out. Not having them for a week has certainly been strange.

But today on the bus ride back to my apartment, the bus driver (whilst stopped at a red light, of course) held them up and asked if they belonged to anybody. 

I was amazed and overjoyed. 

Well, maybe not overjoyed. Maybe just joyed.

I can not lose these damn glasses. 

I am invincible.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

The more I learn about capitalism, the more I align myself with socialism.


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I have found joy in life.

All that I think about anymore is my menu for the upcoming week.

I love this.
Every time that I become...mildly intoxicated, I am struck with the undeniable inclination that there is something inherently wrong with how we hide our bodies and how we are made to feel shame about nudity.

I want to take off all of my clothes and run around.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Increasingly relevantly titled

So I thought that I would go ahead and post about what I cooked and ate today.

For lunch:

Boiled asparagus with egg and grated Parmesan cheese.

For dinner:

Baked lemon pepper and herb tilapia with fresh yellow bell pepper and organic grape tomatoes.

For dessert:

Fresh dragon fruit.

Overall, I'd say that today's food experience was a 98% success. The tilapia would have been better with a lemon wedge rather than lime, but it was still delicious, nonetheless.

If anybody cares for recipes, send me an email, and I will be glad to send them to you.


Album of the day:


I am in love with this music.
I sliced the shit out of the fingers on my left hand with a kitchen knife two nights ago while chopping parsley.


I don't really know what happened, but from what I recall, I was lifting the knife to reposition it, and the next thing that I knew, it was passing through the top of my left index and middle fingers.

It didn't even really hurt.

I just heard the sound of tearing flesh, saw my friend (who was standing next to me) wince, and then the bleeding started.

That knife is fucking sharp.

The cuts aren't terribly bad, although my left index finger has been mostly out of commission for the past 24 hours. After the preliminary first aid, I think that everything will heal up properly. It's already started. It's just probably going to take a few days.

I just can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop visualizing the knife passing through my skin.

It was so easy.

It's almost beautiful, really.

That we can design these sorts of things.

These things that can destroy us with so little effort.

Friday, August 20, 2010

"Oh, Hayden, she just wasn't right for you."

I am sick of hearing people tell me that.

Stop it.

It's not your place.

It is not up to you to decide who was or wasn't right for me.

That decision was mine and her's alone.

Also, you are incorrect.

So please...just stop it.

It doesn't help.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Dinner went much, much better tonight.

Spaghetti squash with fresh tomatoes

The squash came out a teeny bit undercooked. I still need to figure out the peculiarities of this oven, but luckily the squash is still good. I actually prefer my vegetables a little undercooked. I like my veggies (although squash is technically a fruit) as close to raw as possible. They actually lose a good bit of their nutritional value during the cooking process. 

I've really taken to cooking. It's very... therapeutic for me.

I'm looking forward to developing my knowledge of it over the course of this school year.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Well, I officially had my first kitchen disaster.

I was cooking a spiced frittata with tomato sauce, and when I went to flip it over, catastrophe ensued.

To flip a frittata, one must hold a plate over the pan, flip the entire system, and then slide the frittata off of the plate back onto the pan. I had my plate in place, ready to flip, but as I flipped, the plate slipped away from the pan, and the entire frittata slid out onto the burner, where it immediately lit on fire.

After spilling nigh boiling grease all over my left forearm, I placed the pan onto my cutting board, ruining the surface of the board in the process as I prepared to put the fire out. I realized, however, that it was a grease fire (due to the oil that I used to coat the pan), and immediately stopped filling the bowl I had grabbed with water. I decided to just wait a few seconds, during which I thought I was going to vomit from stress, calculating that the fire would extinsguish itself, and after a few more seconds, it burned out.

So I filled the room with smoke, I burned my arm pretty badly, I ruined my cutting board, and I had a huge mess to clean up, all on my second day in the new apartment.

What a shitty night.

No more frittatas.

What a stupid food.
I am absolutely falling in love with Kino's Journey.

It is a wonderful, introspective, and beautiful anime series, and I highly recommend it.

Oh, and I moved back to my college town.

Classes start Thursday.


Saturday, August 14, 2010

I absolutely love knowing that I am irrelevant.

It's lonely, at times, yes.

Actually, it's lonely all the time.

But it gives me some good time to myself.

Although I guess I do wish that I wasn't always irrelevant.

Friday, August 13, 2010

I knew from the beginning that I was just a fascination.

I was something new and different.

I was just a toy.

I can not believe that I have let this happen.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I think that today is the day that I finally swear off fast food.

I had a terrible experience with an ice cream product at Sonic today.

Also, it's hard for me to justify even getting fries at a fast food place, because the very act of supporting those franchises is in a way supporting factory farming.

Even more also, I had forgotten how much fun Mario Galaxy is. It's a great game to just sit back and take in while you chill out.

It's certainly a nice break from the tension and concentration of the fighting games that I've been playing lately.


Monday, August 9, 2010

I just got back from a wonderful night of drinking with a very good friend of mine, and I have to say, I can totally understand why people become alcoholics.

I feel so light right now.

My thoughts are unusually clear.

The idea that consciousness has a chemical component is absolutely fascinating to me, and I must investigate this more thoroughly.

I must dance closer upon this dangerous line.
To live as though one can exist outside of the influence of mathematics is foolishness of the highest caliber.
I am buying a Meinl bongo cajon soon, but I can't decide if I want it with or without internal snare wires.

What a dilemma.

What a stupid, unimportant dilemma.


Friday, August 6, 2010

Fuck my heart, I want you to fill this void in my bed.
Words can not express to you how badly I need one of these.


This is the instrument that I have been looking for all of my life.

I've tried playing several different instruments throughout my earlier youth, but none of them ever really fit quite right.

But this is it.

This is what I need to play.

This instrument combines everything that I love about music.

Percussion, rhythm, kinetic bodily movement, contemplative tones, resonance...it's all there.

Unfortunately, they are very expensive and are almost impossible to find.

If anybody has any leads as to how I could go about finding one, please let me know.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

This is absolutely horrifying.


It is absolutely horrifying to me that there are people out there who are this mislead and mistaken and are so empassioned by their assault on reason that they engineer such weak, untested, and unbacked solutions like this and preach them to the world as unquestionable truth, refusing the entire time to even consider the most basic of evidences.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I intend with all of my heart to waste my youth on science and philosopy and ideas.

My mind is searing with thought, and I plan on making use of it while I still can.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I see as though through a video camera.

This is not my vision.

These are not my memories.

The majority of experience is mostly false; a pitiful interpretation of reality confined to the limitations of this infinitesimal husk in which I am trapped.
So I bought BlazBlue: Continuum Shift two days ago.

It's incredibly addicting. I love the pace and nuances of the combat system, and the art and music are just to die for.

Sigh...as if I needed another reason to never leave the house ever.


Monday, August 2, 2010

There are people all over the world starving to death, and I use a vibrating toothbrush every morning.

The ackowledgement of facts such as this brings unending volumes of grief, confusion, and guilt into my life.
"Imagine the people who believe such things and who are not ashamed to ignore, totally, all the patient findings of thinking minds through all the centures since the Bible was written. And it is these ignorant people, the most uneducated, the most unimaginative, the most unthinking among us, who would make themselves the guides and leaders of us all; who would force their feeble and childish beliefs on us; who would invade our schools and libraries and homes. I personally resent it bitterly."

-Isaac Asimov

Sunday, August 1, 2010


You know, if you're going to make the name of your cause microscopic and put it as far out of view as possible, covering it up with bushes sure as hell doesn't help.

The sun is coming out.

The forecast said that it was supposed to be overcast and rainy all day today.

We need to get better at this.