Friday, April 30, 2010

Well, I just got an 84.9 in statistics for the semester. For those of you unfamiliar with the system, that's a B. An 85 is a B+. That's the difference between a 3.0 and a 3.5 towards your cumulative GPA, respectively.

I live in a perpetual state of frustration. It's something that I've been living with for a while, but it's been especailly bad these past few months.

I don't have good days. I just have days where I'm not quite as frustrated as the bad days.

So this is just what I needed right now.

An 84.9.

Just what I needed.


Thursday, April 29, 2010

I'm sorry. I just can't even seem to formulate words adequate enough to enhance this.

It would be like making fun of a clown.


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I just blew my fluid mechanics final out of the water. I think I did pretty well on it.

I feel like I should be happy...

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I think that this about sums it up.


Monday, April 26, 2010

I have come to despise this body of mine.

This body that must be fed.

This body that must sleep.

This body that so greedily hungers for air; consistently, and without prejudice.

This body that is such a hopeless victim of the tyrannical restrictions of gravity.

This body that has such vehement desire for certain...carnal delights.

As a young man, I certainly used to relish these desires.

I still do, from time to time.

But lately, I have come to despise them, as well.

I have come to feel that they are not my own.

The desires of this physical cage are simply the end results of eons of evolutionary psychology and millennia of societal conditioning upon which I had no influence. I did not have any choice as to which society into which I was born. Why should I be expected to simply be a sum of the collective parts of someone else's whole? Why are people afraid to question what they know?

I do not want these desires anymore.

They have begun to feel almost alien in origin.

I am tired of satiating the constant needs of this infinitesimal, clumsy, pathetic representation of my being.

I yearn for a reality in which I could exist separate from my body.

A reality where I could exist simply as a series of synapses and electrical impulses, and perhaps the necessary ethereal qualities that define and sustain a mind.

A reality in which I could exist as a consciousness with limitless potential for thought.

Potential not so hindered and broken as the potential to which I am currently limited by this unfamiliar, almost foreign form.

What a thought.

What an exhilarating thought.

But...I suppose that this reality for which I yearn will forever remain a simple yearning.

A fantasy, if you will.

So, I suppose that for now I should just suck up my disappointment and, despite knowing that I probably never will, try to acclimate myself to living within the confines of these carnal walls.

Sunday, April 25, 2010




Saturday, April 24, 2010

Well, I'm apparently determined to be alone.

So...mission accomplished.
I am absolutely obsessed with Nujabes.

I haven't listened to anything else for the past two weeks.

Aside from the Samurai Champloo soundtrack, that is, and he produced a lot of that, anyway.

I already tap my feet uncontrollably as it is, but my toes and heels have been moving non-stop for days and days, and I absolutely love it.


Friday, April 23, 2010

New update coming tomorrow.

I don't have the energy tonight.


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I don't give myself to many.

And I don't give myself easily.

But when I do give myself, I give myself completely.

I give myself completely and freely and without restraint.

But, frankly...

I'm tired of giving.

And I don't want to anymore.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Well, I've had several people now tell me that the music of the day idea is unoriginal and that they typically just skip over those posts, so I guess I'm not going to do them anymore.

There's no point in wasting time finding links if nobody's clicking on them.

So more music of the day.


Monday, April 19, 2010

Let me make something clear.

I do not give a fuck about money.

I do not give a flying fuck about money.

I just want to understand.

I could live in relative poverty for the rest of my life, enjoying few leisures.

That would be fine. I don't care.

I just want to understand.

I have no interest in the materialism into which this nation has fallen.

I don't give a shit about leading what society has arbitrarily defined as being a "good and fulfilling life."

I just want to understand.

My desires in this physical world are purely secondary or born of necessity and are easily pushed from my mind.

I do not care about money.

I just need to understand.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

"Mind you, I have a soft spot in my heart for Ray Palmer. Way back in 1983, he bought the first science fiction story I ever sold, and sent me the very first check I ever earned as a professional writer. Nevertheless, candor compels me to state that for years after this noble deed of his I never had occasion to believe a word he said."

-Isaac Asimov
 Excerpt from Gold

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I am sick and tired of American standards of masculinity.

It's frustrating for the men who aren't like that.
What a week.

What a week.


Anyway, I just thought I would hop on here and explain the status of things. It's the end of the semester, and I have a ton of crap going on, so again, I apologize if things here are sparse. After May 4th, they will be back to normal for sure. The music of the day thing was kind of my backup plan for the end of the semester, so I'll continue to try to do those.

Also, about Frozen Pasta Time. I've been greatly neglecting it lately. I've come to the startling realization that I absolutely hate writing reviews. They are tedious, and nobody really cares what I have to say about media. My tastes are already so obscure and anti-mainstream as it is that I'm sure my interests in media resound with very few people.

That being said, I am going to try to update more. I have several things in line to be reviewed. List:

Tekkon Kinkreet
The Day the Earth Stood Still
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
Please, Mr. Einstein by Jean-Claude Carriere
Samurai Champloo
Pixeljunk: Shooter
Art Style: Cubello

Anyway, those are the things that I have to review. But, I'm thinking that I might try to switch over to an audio review style somehow. If I could just talk out loud about theses things, I would have reviews up left and right. However, Blogger does not host audio files, so I may have to switch Frozen Pasta Time to a different service. I'll keep you posted if I do so.

Anyway, that's about all for now, I suppose.

...have a great day?


Thursday, April 15, 2010

Music 4/15/2010

The Music of the Day today is only going to be one song:

Luv Sic by Nujabes

The whole song is great, but the scratching in the opening is absolutely orgasmic. I love love love that sound, especially when produced with such finesse.

Unfortunately, Nujabes passed away in a car accident earlier this year.

Heh...I think it's definitely a testament to how quickly I have fallen for his music that I just learned about him a week ago, and I was devastated to learn about his death later that same day.

Nujabes, my new friend, you will be dearly missed.

I just got back from my Dynamics test.

Actually, I got back at around 9:30. I've been in the shower since then.

That was probably the most hardcore test that I've ever taken.

He told us to just turn in our homework to be graded as a test, but I still had four problems left to do, so I had to do them in the most hectic whirlwind of haste in which I have ever been.

And, to make matters worse, my calculator's batteries died with about thirty minutes of test left. Luckily, I had anticipated this and brought replacement batteries with me. However, as I was changing the batteries, one of the old ones had apparently exploded, and I got battery acid all over my right hand.

So I had to sit there for the rest of the test with my skin burning.

Dynamics be crazy, yo. On the realz.


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

This was an AIM conversation between a friend of mine and me a few months back. I just found it while going through some stuff:

Oxymoronic: So what exactly is pathophysiology?

Huggles: Well, physiology is how the body works

Oxymoronic: Right

Huggles: As opposed to anatomy, which is "this is a colon."


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

You know, I used to be happy.

Or, at least, I had managed to convince myself that I was.

But we'll assume that I was. know, I used to be happy.

And then I found science.

And my life has never been the same.

I don't even see the same way anymore.

And not out of some "profound new insight" or anything overly dramatic like that.

I literally just see differently. The physical sensation of sight has changed.

My mind hasn't been quiet for a long, long time now.

Not even in sleep.

I've tried countless things to make the thoughts stop.

To dull some of the pain.

There are times when I just don't want this anymore.

But how could I go back now?

How could I go back?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Well, I ended up not doing a single Dynamics problem tonight. I went over to a friend's house and played DJ Hero and DDR all night instead. So now I'm really fucked.

You know, I think it's kind of funny. My phone, which normally just sits on my desk, docile and quiet, rang off the hook all day. I think (and I'm not exaggerating) that I got a call or a text from just about every person that I know in Columbia. Even a couple of people who I haven't heard from in months.

Every person I know, that is, except for the one person from whom I really wanted to hear.

I intend to write an actual post later tonight, perhaps. I have a lot of work to do this week. As of right now, I have twelve Dynamics problems to do by Thursday, and there's a chance he may assign more tomorrow. Considering that four problems is almost too much for that time period, I'm a little screwed. I apologize in advance if my posts are scarce.


Sunday, April 11, 2010

Music 4/11/2010

Sleep is the only thing that takes my mind off of all this stupid bullshit.

And only sometimes, at that.

Now...if only I could actually do some of it.

Aout (ft. Julia) by Hedgehog Dilemma
Maybe I'll Catch Fire (Acoustic) by Alkaline Trio
Synesthetism by BertycoX
Clockwork by Autopilot Off (And no, it's not "Clockworks." This guy just has it mislabeled.)
Shiroi Oka - Miromi no Theme by Susumu Hirasawa (Paranoia Agent end credits theme)


Friday, April 9, 2010

Music 4/9/2010

Today's five:

Acid Brandy by Sum-1
(This piece is best listened to with headphones on. Some of things that Sum-1 does with stereo are exquisite. For example, playing two separate foundational rhythms, one in each ear.)
Tension by Hedgehog dilemma
The Boy Who Destroyed the World by AFI
Shuffle the Deck by Retard-O-Bot
It Must Be Love by Madness


Thursday, April 8, 2010

I dreamed about floating through space last night. Again.

I was orbiting the Earth, just wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

I couldn't breath, but in the dream I didn't need to. I was just existing.

I could tell that I was orbiting at an incredible velocity, because I could look down and see my relative position changing, but I did not feel any sort of acceleration in any direction.

At least for a while.

Eventually, I started to feel my orbit decay and I began to enter the atmosphere.

Now, I have never personally experienced falling into the Earth's atmosphere, but the sensation that my mind generated was tremendous.

As I entered, I felt my orbital velocity rapidly convert into a free fall towards the Earth's surface. As this conversion occurred, I felt more and more pressure on the front of my body as the wind resistance built. Only when the pressure was so immense that I could not expand my lungs did I realize that I had begun breathing again. Just as the pressure became too much to handle, and I felt myself passing out, there was what I can only describe as an explosion as the outrageous friction of the air around me caused flames to erupt all over my body.

Suddenly the difficulty of breathing wasn't really a problem anymore.

To say that I wasn't in pain in the dream would be inaccurate. It was excruciating. I know it was just a made up sensation, but it was a suffering beyond description. At the same time, however, I seemed to be...somehow okay with. It's hard to quantify really. It was like I was feeling this horrific pain, but at the same time I wasn't. I was on fire and suffering the typical effects of being on fire, but my skin was not burning up. I was burning, but intact.

I had plenty of time to ponder this on my way to the ground. It seemed to take forever. Or, at least, longer than one would expect at such a speed.

Eventually, I reached a reasonable elevation and could make out buildings and trees and familiar things of the sort. Apparently I was falling over a city. At this point, I had stabilized myself into a face-first position and was falling with my arms spread out like a sky diver. The flames had mostly subsided. Not like it mattered.

Before I could even comprehend what was going on, I had already fallen past half of a huge skyscraper. Everything was a blur at this point, but I glanced briefly back at the building, and as I turned my head back to the street, I was colliding chest-first into the pavement.

But before I connected so intimately with the asphalt, about a millimeter above the ground, time slowed to the most hindered of crawls. I felt myself slowly coming closer and closer to the ground, closing the millimeter distance off bit by bit. I felt the skin on my chest and nose touch the asphalt and begin to liquify. Or vaporize. I wasn't sure. I felt my bones begin to splinter and crack in preparation of simply being blown apart under the massive transfer of energy. Everything else went wrong. There were hundreds of internal sensations that I can't even begin to describe, all of them ferocious and terrible in their own right.

And then, after what felt like an eternity of this agony, there was suddenly nothing.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Music of the day

This is the music that is currently speaking to me today.

I may start doing this daily as a sort of intellectual/musical exercise. I listen to so much music every day, and I've been noticing that my musical trends are severely affected by my mood, which I suppose isn't terribly uncommon. I just think it will be intersting to keep track of how my musical habits fluctuate for a little while. So I may be doing two posts a day for a little while.

Anyway, here's today's five:

The Love Letter by Blaqk Audio
Buena Vista by Chill Carrier
Cello Suite 2: Courante by Bach
Suburban Breakbeat by Professor Kliq
L'inconnu by OG


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I am a coward.

I am nothing but a scared little boy receding into the refuge of his own immature thoughts.

Sunday, April 4, 2010


I made a video today!

On the interstate!

Wow, this is shitty quality! Thanks for compressing the hell out of this, youtube!

[Edit: actually, it doesn't look that bad. I must have watched it before it finished uploading completely or something. I dunno.]

Anyway, I just did this today because it's been a while since I've done any video editing and I decided that I wanted to do some. It's silly and incoherent, I know, but...I had fun putting it together.


Saturday, April 3, 2010

I have realized something since this post.

It was never gone.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Teacher: "So if Lake Murray is this many square miles in area, then that converts to...48 kiloacres."

Student: "Kiloacres?"

Teacher: "Okay...I just made that up. 48,000 acres."

This was an actual dialog during my fluid dynamics class yesterday. It still makes me laugh when I think about it.


Thursday, April 1, 2010

So I thought that I had my first final on the day after my birthday this semester.

My birthday is always around finals week, so I kind of expected it, but it especially sucked because I'm turning 21 this year, and I was kind of hoping to go somewhere and order a wine, but it looks like I'll be studying all the way up to and through my 21st birthday and the week thereafter.

But, I just checked my schedule, and it turns out that I was mistaken. It gets even better.

What's worse than having your first final the day after your 21st birthday?

Having your first final on your 21st birthday and then having your second final the day after your 21st birthday.


Anyway, I'm sorry about the lack of interesting posts as of late. I've just kind of reverted to talking about my day, which I know makes for terrible blog material. Things have been pretty wacky these past couple of weeks, and the blog has just taken on a low priority in light of other things (also known as maths) that I've had going on. But I should have the time and energy for more "real" posts soon.

In the meantime, however, expect more frivolous bullshit and stupid pictures.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go furiously plot time dependent acceleration fields of car exhaust with respect to it's distance in the exhaust pipe before my fluid mechanics class at noon.

(That's a secret Korean message from a friend of mine in the lower right hand corner.)