Monday, November 30, 2009

I got two tests back today.

I scored a 61 on one of them and a 68 on the other.

I studied vigorously for both of them.

I guess I can add this to the list of things of which I am tired.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I just got back to my apartment from home.

On the way over here, the most peculiarly interesting thing happened.

As I was driving through town, I shifted, shall we say, imperfectly, causing the car to jump in velocity for a split second. I released the clutch as the car sped up, and my suspended leg was yanked upwards and backwards and slammed into the steering column due to the sudden forward acceleration of my surroundings. Then, as the car lurched again and the speed equalized, my foot was thrown violently down onto the plastic foot rest next to the clutch.

The only thing running through my mind the whole time ("time" being defined as about 2/3 of a second) was, "God, I love physics."

I don't know how to deal with myself anymore.

Every time I see a couple together out in public, I get this all too familiar bitterness in my stomach and yearn for what I have lost.

I want to fall out of my skin.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Oh my God...

Trans-Siberian Orchestra was incredible. That is by far the best show that I have ever and probably will ever see. I probably spent half of that damn concert (on and off) in tears because everything was so beautiful. The lights, their artistry, the energy. I've never seen anything so well orchestrated in my life. The sound was outstandingly mixed, the lights and pyrotechnics were spot on, unique, and entrancing, and all of the members of the band got an equal amount of stage time. Nobody stole the show. It was clear throughout the entire show that to them, the music comes first, and then their egos as famous rock stars can have its turn.

Also, the violinist for TSO is one of the most astonishingly beautiful women that I have ever seen. She was just gorgeous. Slim, but muscular...full of life and energy...flowing black hair...I think I fell in love tonight. I'm sure that the electric violin under her chin and the hair strewn across her face with wild abandon (a product of thrashing her violin so hard that she snapped probably about a third of her bow fibers over the course of the show) certainly added to the appeal.

To give you an idea of how close to the stage we were, she had absolutely stunning eyes.

It was was the perfect performance. I think that this may have ruined rock shows for me. Everything I see from here on in will be compared to this.

If you ever have the chance to see these guys in concert, do so. You will not regret it. Even if you don't like their type of music, you will love this show. Trust me. There were enough excited old grannies coming out of the Bi-Lo Center tonight to prove that.

I'm going to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra with my family today. I'm super excited. Then on tuesday, I'm going with my dad to see Bela Fleck and the Flecktones perform with the South Carolina Philharmonic Orchestra. It's a Christmas concert, as well, so I'm going to be getting a lot of alternative Christmas music over the next few days, but I'm really looking forward to it. Especially about the Flecktones. If you've never heard them, here's some links.

Victor Wooten (their bassist), is the most incredible man alive.

This is a live improv. Apparently he does a lot of improvisational stuff at their shows. I saw a video about a year ago, where he played an eight minute bass solo, broke his D-String about halfway through, and only dropped the beat for about a half of a second.

I can't wait to see them. I really get tired of the typical Christmas carol type stuff that you get barraged with around this time of year (I much prefer instrumental Christmas music to jingles about how you'd better not be naughty or how fat Santa is), and it will be a welcome change.


Thursday, November 26, 2009

I just saw Fantastic Mr. Fox. I was originally excited about this movie simply because of the animation, but I must say, I have not had that much fun in a movie theater in a long, long time.

The movie is an absolute joy, and I highly recommend it.
I'm falling.


I feel this sensation spread over my entire body.

The wind in my hair.

The g-force pressing against my chest.

The air particles battering across every pore on my face as my limp, helpless form rapidly displaces meter upon meter of atmospheric gas.

My clothes, rippling violently on my skin as though their only wish is to achieve enough sentience to leap from my body and escape their immanent fate.

The frigid cold.

The burning air resistance.

The exponential increase in acceleration before terminal velocity takes its toll.

The windows of office buildings streaking past me, upwards in every direction.

The ever increasing ground, growing closer with every dragging millisecond.




Oh sh-

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

See, this is why I have trust issues.

It seems like nobody can keep their mouth shut these days.

I'm finished with confiding in people.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Am I a good man?

I'm starting to think not.

No matter how hard I try, I only manage to disappoint.

It seems like the only two things at which I truly excel are being pessimistic and hurting people.

I'm tired of getting on people's nerves.

I think that from now on, I'm just going to keep to myself.

Maybe hit the Playstation up harder than usual.

Honestly, that sounds pretty good right now.


I don't know.


Monday, November 23, 2009

My previous post was my 100th post. Whoopie? I guess?

100th anniversary blog post right here, right now.

My solids test is in ten minutes. It would be great if I wasn't sick again. I've been coughing all morning, and after every violent spasm, I heave. I'm really worried about vomiting during the test. We'll see how it goes.

I also didn't really sleep last night. I got in at about one in the morning, got in bed at two, and then had a series of music-based hallucinations until about seven o'clock, at which point I got up to leave for 300 Main to study further.

I'm anticipating that this test is going to hurt my grade, despite my efforts towards the contrary.

Oh well.

Let's go destroy a beautiful thing.



Mechanics of Solids...

Oh my gosh...

I have been studying for a test tomorrow for a good five hours now, and I am still not prepared.

In other news, Hideo Kojima has promised that there will be a third installment to the Zone of the Enders series. I am beyond excited. Zone of the Enders: The Second Runner is my favorite game, and the prospect of a new chapter in the series puts my mind at ease in a way. It's been a while since I have been able to so adamently look forward to something from the gaming industry. Hideo can't promise a timeframe for development or predict a release date as of yet, but he has promised, and a Kojima promise is worth a solid investment of trust. It may take some time in development, but I will be here, waiting patiently to spend however much is asked of me for the most special of special editions.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go sit in my room and smile slightly at the wall until it comes out.


Sunday, November 22, 2009

Why am I suddenly so uncomfortable with my physique? Why do I suddenly hate my body?

Is it because I'm losing weight?

Is it a product of the loneliness?

Is it my shattered self-image?

Wait...yeah, that's probably it.

I have another question. Is it really so unbelievable that oatmeal cookies are my favorite kind of cookie? I love oatmeal cookies so much. I will eat an oatmeal cookie over a chocolate chip cookie (or any other kind of cookie, for that matter) any day of the week. There are days when I will turn down a chocolate chip cookie, but there has yet to be a day when I have been presented with an oatmeal cookie and not replied with, "Hand that shit over." But when I tell people this (at least people my age), they always just stare at me in shock as though they are thinking, "Have you lost your God damned mind?!?"

Is it really that strange?

On the topic of losing weight, here's an ad that I saw the other day on a website.

I mean...I know that they rarely use the same people in the before and after pictures for these things, but come on. Their Photoshop guys didn't even make an effort this time.


Saturday, November 21, 2009


I don't know why I even bothered with taking a shower today. I doubt I'm going to be leaving the room.

There were two people in my solids class yesterday (a guy and a girl) talking about how, "You know, like, some days you just feel, like, sad for, like, no reason?" They then continued on to talk about how one of them was having one of those days and how they're usually happy people and that they just get so down on those days where they're just, you know, soooooo sad for like, no reason at all!

I was fighting back laughter with every turn of the conversation.

Friday, November 20, 2009

I just got back from Astroboy.

It was great. I loved every minute of it. The animation was top-notch, the story was endearing and fun, and the humor was genuinely funny (even most of the slapstick). Well, it matched my sense of humor well, at least. I can see how some people may not find it funny, but I think that that is because those people are crazy.

I'd like to talk for a second about the animation. I think that the animation in Astroboy was very well done. When people say that about animation, they assume that it means that everything was super realistic and high resolution and all of that jazz. This is not the case with Astroboy. Now, don't get me wrong, the animation is very competent in that regard, but at the same time it has certain qualities to it that make it stand out as an interpretation of a franchise that has its origins in anime. At first, I could not pick out these intrinsic qualities. All that I knew was that it was somehow different from other animated movies that I've seen. After the movie, a friend who was with me put his finger on it when he said that all of the characters were made up of simple shapes, particularly Astro. And it's true. Everything in the movie is made up of fairly primitive polygons. Things are rounded to look nice and all that, of course, but the use of simple shapes really emphasized the anime nature of the Astroboy universe. Also, many of the textures in the film were fairly plain, and did not distract the eye from the important parts of the screen. The movie looked incredible, but in a subtle and masterful "different sort of way."

That's my two cents, at least. Maybe you'll feel differently.

Anyway, if Astroboy is still playing in a theater near you, and you like animated films/cartoon history/anime/generally geeky things then I highly recommend that you go see Astroboy. If nothing else, you will at least be entertained. I promise.

Be careful on the way to said theater, though. I almost got sandwiched between an 18 wheeler and an SUV on the interstate going almost 70 miles an hour. The 18 wheeler was changing lanes and must not have realized that I was right next to the trailer, despite my relentless honking. The woman to my left in the SUV noticed what was happening, however, and slowed down, giving me time to drop that bitch into third gear and  get the hell out of there. It was a really close one, but I escaped unscathed.

I'm thinking about going to see Astroboy today at 4:20. If there is anybody in Columbia who actually reads this and would like to come along, contact me posthaste.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Konami is hosting MGO official ranked matches tonight from eight until midnight. I will most certainly be online.

Unfortunately, that means that I must actually study for my thermodynamics test right now instead of playing Borderlands.


Anyway, here's a picture. You'll probably want to click on this one to enlarge.

Go figure. It's a chopper store. I find the ancient post office drop box that's still embedded in the building to be very funny, however.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I hate this place.

This place that I am in.

I am not happy.

When did I become unhappy?

I'm not sure.

It needs to be cold.

I recently bought a 300 dollar winter coat (it was marked down from that, of course) that I'll probably never get to wear.

When did I become unhappy?

I don't know.

I feel so unattractive. And boring. And angry.

I'm not sure where this anger comes from.

But every little thing sets off an internal combustive reaction that is becoming increasingly harder and harder to contain within myself with each new instance.

Why have I become unhappy?

I have no idea.

I miss Baltimore.

I look around me and everyday I see happy people. People who know each other. People who love each other. People who understand each other.

Every time I "put myself out there," I just embarrass myself. Or say something stupid. Or people just stare at me when I talk as thought they don't understand a word that I'm saying and are just waiting for me to finish. Or I propose an opinion that resonates with no one.

I feel so uninteresting.

I spend every day boiling in my own putrid, disgusting, and chaotic thoughts.

Some of them are constructive.

But most of them are just out of control.

I want it to be cold.

That bracing chill against my face.

I long for that sensation again.

When did I become unhappy?

I don't care.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I just made two salsa and cheese hot dogs.

At first, the shock was immense, and I was revolted. However, upon further taste testing, I found them to be delicious, and encourage everyone to at least try it.

236 + LP + HP

Monday, November 16, 2009

My phone is so quiet now...

And my chest cavity is so cold and hollow.

I am so lonely.
All right.

I would really like to know WHY THE FUCK it is getting hot in Columbia again in the middle of November. This is miserable. And I swear to God, I'm tired of people answering me with, "It's just hot in Columbia. That's the slogan, man, 'Famously Hot.'"


That does not make this kind of weather acceptable. Every time I hear or see that slogan, I want to break out my stranglin' hands. Why the hell would you brag about the fact that the weather in your town makes it an uncomfortable hell hole?

Ugh. Argh. Grah.

Anyway, I'm drinking some hibiscus flavored tang that I procured from the Hispanic isle at Wal-Mart. We'll see how that goes. Check this fancy link a little later for a review.


Sunday, November 15, 2009

I think that I am in love.

In love with this man.
I played some Metal Gear Online this morning. It's so much fun. I love MGO. It's the only online game that doesn't bore me after a few rounds. The slower pace and more tactical team-based mechanics really make it a ton of fun. I love LANs and local splitscreen, and I really don't like what online play is doing to the multiplayer aspect of games, but MGO is endless fun. I could sit and play it for hours and hours.

If anybody out there also enjoys the MGO, send me a mail with your PSN name. I'm looking for people with which I could potentially start a clan.

Anyway, this book was just sitting around at my grandparents' house and in my infinite immaturity, I had to giggle and take a picture.


Saturday, November 14, 2009

So I made a chocolate cake earlier today.

Chocolate cake without icing.

I know it sounds strange. Cake without icing and all. But let me tell you, it is delicious.


I've been playing my bass a bit today, and it's been a harsh reminder of getting cut in chemistry lab on Thursday. I got stabbed in the tip of my left middle finger with a shard of glass from a beaker containing potassium iodide. So hopefully the tip of my finger won't rot and fall off. It wasn't a big piece of glass (although even the smallest glass cuts can be deceptively painful), and I had all but forgotten about it until I picked up my bass. Everything was fine until I started playing Feel Good, Inc. by the Gorillaz. That twelve fret slide on the E-string was a violent realization that things have, in fact, not completely healed just yet.


Friday, November 13, 2009

NASA has found water on the moon.

These are the things that I live for.
I am contemplating buying the Ultimate Matrix collection off of amazon for forty dollars.

I absolutely love the Matrix universe (yes, I even love the second and third movies), and I think that it would be a worthwhile purchase.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Well, I just stayed up all night, only to fall asleep by accident at 7:15. 45 minutes before my differential equations test. I woke up at about 8:15, violently sick to my stomach, and jumped out of bed to run to class, dry heaving the whole way there. I was so scared that I was just going to throw up in the street on the way to class.

I have woken up sick every morning for the past two weeks. It's really starting to get old.

My professor was pretty understanding, though, and gave me twenty extra minutes in his office after class to finish up. I still lost about 20 minutes that I could have used, but whatever. I'm just glad I got the extra twenty.

Also, this morning at about 4, I decided for some reason to pull up an old email from my recent ex (from about three months into the relationship) and read through it. I really don't know why the fuck I did that, because my concentration from then on was pretty much shot.

For those readers who haven't figured it out yet, my girlfriend and I broke up two weeks ago. I've been trying to avoid talking about it directly. I'm not sure why. But anyway, there's that.

Anyway, I need to go fight with my turbulent stomach some more and try to do a prelab that's due in two hours.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

My legs crave DDR. But alas, differential equations is all that exists for me tonight. As usual.
I was behind a silly frat guy's SUV today. His license plate said "GOOS43." I can find no explanation.

Also, I find hot chocolate peculiar. There is always that layer of sediment that forms at the bottom, but just before you hit that layer, the flavor levels out to (or approaches the asymptotic limit of) what is basically just water, and then it's all grimy because all the sediment races into your mouth to try to compensate for that strange suspended layer of nothing. I do love the hot chocolate, though.

Oh, ambiguity! How you foil me again!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I just paid $2.48 for a box of staples...

They are Swingline, though. I suppose I'm okay with that.

Monday, November 9, 2009

I had a very interesting ride back to Columbia today. Two things of note happened, as opposed to the typical zero.

First, I stopped at one of my favorite fueling stations on the way here to use their restroom facilities. After I was finished, however, I decided that I needed something to eat. I was going to grab a hot dog, but as I was grasping the tongs, I noticed a fleeting vision in the corner of my eye. The Piccadilly pizza booth that is typically quite bare was full of delicious bounty. I quickly dismissed the hot dogs and leaped to the booth. After much deliberation, I decided on a box of boneless buffalo wings. I snatched the box up and headed to the register. Upon arriving in front of the clerk and taking out my wallet, he examined my selection and continued on to say, "You know...I'm just going to let you have those."

I was shocked, and said, "Wow. Are you sure?"

He said, "Yeah. They've been out for several hours now, just so you know. So I'll just let you have them."

So I thanked him and left with my newly acquired snack. They were delicious. They were solid chunks of manifested heartburn, but for the novelty of gas station food, it was worth it. I've never really just gotten anything for free like that before.

Also today, I was changing lanes to pass someone, and as I changed lanes, some wild and crazy man in an old beaten up crap heap shot up behind me at at least one hundred miles per hour. He had to decelerate so harshly that I could visibly see his hood dip under the force. He was inches from rear ending me, and he had the audacity at this point to FLASH HIS BRIGHTS AT ME TWICE!

I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry that I was driving how I was supposed to. I'm sorry that I kept you from reaching escape velocity.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I resent my boring, brown eyes.

They are so boring.

And brown.

Why did they change school bus mirrors? These buses look like caterpillars now.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

The crushing loneliness is starting to take its toll.

She was all I had besides my work. Now my work is all that's left.

Guess I'd better get to it.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Boarderlands is incredible.

Also, I have been having this insatiable craving for pizza lately. And Indian food.

Oh God...chicken tikka masala pizza sounds incredible.

With olives.

And bannana peppers.

And finely chopped onions.

Oh goodness...

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

What have I done?

Buying Borderlands was a huge mistake.

I guess I can kiss my grades goodbye.
I just opened Borderlands. I had forgotten about my favorite part of a new game. The new game smell. The smell of the ink and paper of the manual, the smell of the unadulturated disk, and the smell of the plastic of the case, all preserved within the factory shrink wrap.

This smell brings back so many memories.

The only thing is that it only lasts for a few minutes, and then it is gone.

Losing Control

So I went out and bought a brand new video game today for 60 dollars. I haven't done that in a long, long time. Not since second semester of sophomore year (Street Fighter IV). It was impule buy, and it felt good. I don't have a lot of money left over as a result of my antics, but I don't regret it. I really just need something to look forward to in my life right now as I try to work through some shit that I'm unexpectedly having to deal with.

Anyway, I bought Borderlands for the PS3.  It's supposed to be good, and I like games that focus on finding new items and searching for more powerful weapons and the like (Diablo II, Phantasy Star Online, etc.), so I should like it a good bit.

I'll talk more about it in a later post.


Monday, November 2, 2009

I just went to a review session for my Mechanics of Solids test that's coming up on Wednesday. I think it's funny that I have to force myself not to write "pi" when I'm trying to write "tau." They both start with the same squiggle, and I always want to write pi.

My favorite is gamma. life is falling apart. I don't know when things went to shit, but they really have. Everything is just wrong.  
I don't want the depression to come back.

I don't want the depression to come back.

I don't want the depression to come back.

Please don't let the depression come back.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

I want something to snatch me up.

I want something to snatch me up, sweep me high up into the air, and rip me to pieces.