Wednesday, June 4, 2008

It's only a dream.

I had a very interesting dream the other night. Actually, I wouldn't so much call it a dream as I would a supernova of sheer subconscious power. In the dream, I was in some indeterminate, bland room, but in the room along with me was everybody I had ever met. Literally. Every single person that my brain could seem to remember me ever meeting was there. It was a lot of people, and it was a very big room. Some of the people seemed mildly happy, and some of them concerned. I was at the head of the room, with about two feet between me and the first row of people, so I began walking forward. As I walked towards the crowd, the people gave me room to walk through. As I walked through the crowd, people began reaching out and shaking my hand, patting my shoulders, and making other sorts of affectionate gestures. Some of the people were congratulating me for some unknown accomplishment and the others were asking things such as, "How are you doing," "Can I get you anything," or "Is the medicine working?" It was a little disorienting. The most confusing part of the dream, though, was that everybody really seemed genuinely sincere. I could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voice. There were no signs of guilt or nobility. It was just pure, loving concern. It was...amazing. And then somewhere about halfway through the room, I woke up, and reality set in.

So I shook it off, got up, and went to work.

I saw her driving today. I was on my way back home from Sonic, and I saw her as she was turning into a shopping center.

She was beautiful. Beautiful as she always was. I was captivated.

And for a second.

For the first time in months.

Just for a second.

My mind was calm.

It made me physically ill.

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