Well, I know it's been a while, but I haven't had much time to do a blog here. I'm hoping to have more time to do this. I try writing in a paper journal, because I want to keep track of my college life, but I have a hard time doing that, too. I've been having kind of a rough time lately. About a month ago, my girlfriend of about eight months suddenly broke up with me. That was (and still is) fairly painful, and was a major disruption to my normal swing of things. I'm still having a pretty hard time with it a month later, because I still love her and even though I haven't talked to her since the breakup, I'm just generally having a hard time coping. It was just really sudden. It came out of nowhere. There was almost no indication that anything was wrong. Just one day, everything was different. The relationship had been going so well, and as far as I knew, it still was. I thought that I had finally, finally found a good, solid relationship, and it blew up in my face yet again.
I don't understand.
I'm starting to feel like being in a relationship is like standing on the beach holding a chemically unstable white phosphorus grenade in your teeth with the pin tied to a kite during a hurricane. No matter what I do, it always seems to end up being in vain, because for one reason or another, the girl eventually changes her mind. I just...I dunno. I don't know if it's worth it anymore. I don't know what to do. I can't even just get on with my life this time. I loved this girl so much. More than she or anyone else will ever know. I've said "I love you" to girls before, but I was young(er) and stupid. This is the first time that I've really truly meant it. I just wish her feelings had stayed the same.
I miss her so much...
But enough of my emo bitching. I'll be okay one day. Besides, this was supposed to be a blog about poop. I'm not going to beat around the bush here, I've been having a problem with rectal bleeding for the past two weeks. It's embarrassing, yes, but it's also the source of today's product picture. That statement has soooo much negative potential. I promise it's clean. But anyway, I went to the health center on campus, where they did a rectal exam and drew some blood. For those of you who have never had a rectal exam, pray to God that you never have to. It's the most invasive and humiliating thing I've ever experienced at the doctor. Anyway, they couldn't figure out what was wrong at the health center, so they sent me to the ER, where I spent the next seven hours (four of which I spent with an IV in my arm). I went to the health center at 2:30 and wasn't released from the ER until 11:30. Anyway, at the ER, they did yet another rectal exam, drew about four times more blood than the health center, and did a cat scan. Anyway, the doctor came to the conclusion that it was an internal hemorrhoid (since I wasn't experiencing any pain), told it would probably go away on it's own in a few days, and to follow up with the gastroenterologist. So I've been taking stool softeners for the past few days, and the bleeding has stopped, but the doctor at the follow up told me he wanted to do a camera-up-the-butt exam to check for polyps just to rule out other potentially dangerous problems. Like colon cancer. That kind of worries me a bit, but I'm sure it's just a hemorrhoid. I hope to God it's just a hemorrhoid. I'm not looking forward to the camera test. He said it's pretty uncomfortable and that it takes about fifteen minutes, but that he would walk me through it will be over as soon as the camera is out, so maybe it won't be so bad? Yes it will. But he's a pretty cool guy. Of all the people that could be snooping around in my ass, he's probably one of the more favorable ones.
So, now that I've talked forever, on to the picture. I mentioned the stool softeners I'm taking earlier. I was just looking at the bottle a minute ago, and I thought that this was pretty funny. It's almost like the company is joking around with their own product here. But, like reading rainbow, don't take my word for it. Here's a picture:
Yup...and they work, too. But that's enough from my mind today. TTFN.